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So I was headed to meet up with an old friend I hadn't seen since high school while I was on a vacation in Maryland. Tara was her name she lived in West Virginia on the border of Virginia and Maryland in a town called Millville. I get to Tara's around 7pm and she lives in bum F*** WV. I mean middle of nowhere there's literally only 2 houses near hers. So we start drinking as her 12 year old daughter who she calls Lil Bit was playing on her PlayStation. Around 12 Tara calls it a night and heads off to bed. I take the couch and crash out almost immediately. Around 3am I wake up having to piss from all the beer we consumed earlier. I'm basically BS faced. As I'm walking to the bathroom I can see at the end of the hall is a big bay window that looks out into the mountains. I about have a heart attack as I see this long haired dude coming thru the window. I freak out. Middle of West Virginia and see this BS and I'm thinking I may be about to get murdered. So I build up the courage to just bum rush this dude. I run full speed and grab this dude and we both fly out the window and onto the ground. Dude is face down and I'm just wailing on his head. I'm pounding the BS out of this dude yelling at him and yelling for Tara to call the police. Tara appears and has this police flashlight that lights up the entire yard. I'm screaming "this dude was breaking into your house CALL THE COPS!!! By now this dude is out cold I have beat him senseless. I roll him over... And... It's Lil Bit. Tara's 12 year old daughter. She was sneaking out to go play with the neighbor kid and in my drunken lunacy I mistook her for a long haired redneck that I believed was about to kill me. Tara never asked me to come visit again after that night.
Posted in: Poetry